By Ebrima G. Sankareh, Editor in-Chief
It was one of those fine days when the Gambian sky was blue, the cumulus clouds form a bedazzling canopy across the horizon and Gambian President Yahya Jammeh was having tea with his guards and friends at State House. As is customary in such occasions, President Jammeh was giving his audience first hand fibs on how his ancestry was able to conquer the heavens and how those magical powers were miraculously bequeathed to him as a young boy. His narration says our Yundum Barracks correspondent OX, was couched with fascinating details that lack the semantic precision one would expect from a Chief Executive.
By a twist of irony says OX, soldiers at the Denton Bridge were conducting their routine traffic stops when a man minted through the window of a passenger van that they stopped and ran into the thick mangroves swamps. No sooner had the unidentified passenger melted into the mangroves than he fired gunshots in the tranquil air that blew as President Jammeh was chilling with party at State House. The entire team of soldiers and security personnel at Denton bridge were confused at the unprovoked firing of shots by an unknown gunman. As soldiers combed the grass and shrubbery to make sense of the incident, the Patrol Sergeant, one Sgt. Camara sighted a white plastic bag ferociously flying towards the station. He screamed at his men “we’re under enemy attack!!” and called for more firepower to resist the supposedly mysterious enemy flying mid-air. Despite a hail of bullets, the unknown object continues to fly towards the station. The panic stricken Sgt. Camara quickly alerted the signal officer Sgt. Karamo Manneh to call for reinforcement from State House where President Jammeh was narrating his cock and bull stories of ancestral heroism and valour.
Pandemonium at State House
Once the Signal Officer, Sgt. Karamo Manneh radioed State House, pandemonium ensued. One soldier was so nervous that he kicked the teapot like a soccer ball; it flew and landed on President Jammeh’s left ankle. He screamed and the guards apologized in unison as he was hurried to the bunker. Says Ox; the nightmare at State House defies the bravery that these State guards are reputed for. It was unimaginable how these much feared men reacted and how President Jammeh ran into the bunker argues OX. The Sergeant on duty, Sgt. Paul Bojang was so terrified that he could not assemble his men amid the crisis. A scene of negligence discharge of firearms raged. Corporal Samba Bah (a.k.a Batcho) brought a grenade launcher into the guardroom during the briefing session and before he could be stopped, he had inadvertently detonated the deadly weapon. A loud noise erupted and the launcher ruptured the roof from where one could visibly see the sky. Soldiers ran helter-skelter as they take cover. Some of the soldiers mistook the grenade launcher explosion as the enemy’s arrival at State House. In the confusion, Private Lamin Sawo pulled in an LMG before he too could be stopped; the machine gun was on rat-a-tat tat, rat-a-tat tat, and rat-a- tat tat. You could hear everyone screaming for help but no one could make sense of the situation. It was difficult to differentiate the noise from machine guns and that of the numerous farts even from the bunker says OX with a sense of humor. As the situation went out of control says OX, suggestions were underfoot with respect to hiring the seafarers to flee through the sea. As that option was nervously being studied, Sgt. Manneh radioed State House again that they could stand down that after all the hitherto unidentified object was a waste plastic bag. That they brought it down after numerous unsuccessful attempts. He apologized that the incident was regrettable. Everyone had a sigh of relief and an atmosphere of general laughter ensued. The brave man of ancestral valour was asked to come out of the lion’s den. The following morning, reveals OX, he moved to Kanilai.
Editor’s Note: As usual OX invites President Jammeh and all those named in this story to dispute its veracity. I will never give you a false story Mr. Sankareh said OX. Next week, I will give you a good story from Masuang in Guinea Bissau promises OX.